im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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