I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
