A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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