is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
