Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
