ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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