I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
