this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
