whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
