I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
