she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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