After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
