Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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