I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
