The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
