Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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