if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
