Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
