My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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