Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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