Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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