I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
