I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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