to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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