I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
