3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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