I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
