i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
