AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
