Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
