New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
