I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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