Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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