I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
