This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
