Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
