Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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