I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
