Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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