how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I understand Curling. That high.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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