and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
