What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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