she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
if only i could text you this smell
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
