Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i think i just lost a toe
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
