I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
