does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
