haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
