if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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