Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
