You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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