I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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