It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
