if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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