i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
