His hands were made for my vagina.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
