All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
