did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
